Matinee
by Glory1863
Summary: Archer has invited Shran to movie night on Enterprise. Will the feature film Trip chose get two thumbs up?


**Author's Note:**

Several things in this story do not belong to me. The _Star Trek_ characters belong to Paramount/Viacom, of course. The film _Alexander Nevsky_ is a MOSFILM Studio Presentation. The English language translations of the songs _Song About Alexander Nevsky_ and _Field of the Dead_ are by A. Steiger, copyright MCMXLV and MCMXLIX by MCA Music, and appear in the CD booklet for the RCA Victor Red Seal digital reissue of a recording of _Alexander Nevsky_ by Fritz Reiner and the Chicago Symphony.

Matinee

Trip Tucker, the chief engineering officer of the _Enterprise_ and unofficial coordinator of movie night, had been given a mission. Once again, Captain Archer had somehow been maneuvered into inviting Andorian Imperial Guard Commander Thy'lek Shran to the latest screening. Archer was sick and tired of Shran's snide comments about his (Archer's) lack of taste in movies and his (Shran's) continual complaints that Earth movies were unimaginative, uninspiring and lacking in proper values. Shran had even gone so far as to threaten to bring such Andorian "classics" (at least in his estimation) as _Strike Force 7 from Andor_ and _Battle of the Al'kazar Nebula_, along with the usual Andorian ale, to elevate the proceedings the next time he was invited. So Trip had been ordered to find a film Shran would like, or he would face dire consequences. The assignment hadn't been a particularly well-kept secret, either; however, Trip had confidence in his choice, the classic Sergei Eisenstein film _Alexander Nevsky_ (late 1930s, Earth Standard). He had just posted the notice for movie night and was sitting down to a breakfast of grits, eggs and Virginia ham when he discovered, much to his dismay, that everybody was a critic.

First up was the weapons and tactical officer Malcolm Reed. "You can't be serious!"

"It's got battle scenes with swords, axes, even a cavalry charge if I remember right. What more do you want?" Trip asked.

"Special effects!" Malcolm said with a gleam in his eye. "You know I'm partial to things that blow up. A spectacular explosion really makes a movie!" More seriously, he said, "I hate to admit this, as he didn't really get on with Marshal Montgomery you know, but maybe _Patton_ would be a better choice?"

Trip, who had never considered history to be his strongest suit, asked, "Didn't he fight in the desert?"

"The initial campaign, yes; but later he fought in the snow at the Battle of the Bulge. A nasty business, that," Malcolm responded.

"Did he win?" Trip asked.

"Yes, though the outcome was in doubt at first. Did you know that during that battle the American 101st Airborne was surrounded in a village called Bastogne? When the Germans demanded their surrender, the commanding general gave a one-word reply."

"Which was?" Trip was thoroughly intrigued now.

"Nuts!" Malcolm replied with a grin.

Trip laughed. "Are you serious?" He saw Malcolm nod. "Sounds like somethin' Shran would like. Hell, sounds like somethin' Shran would **do**! Maybe we ought to keep it in mind for next time. If I'm wrong tonight, then you may be pickin' the movies from here on out."

Next up was Hoshi Sato, the communications officer. "The subtitles are going to make people crazy. How can you watch the film when you have to read the dialog? Couldn't you at least find a version keyed to the universal translator?"

"Give me a break, darlin'! It's a Russian film, and it's ancient. I'm lucky to have found a print in English!" Trip was getting just a tad bit exasperated, and his breakfast was definitely getting cold.

"Well, if you're determined to show really old films, you could have at least gotten _The Sea Hawk_ or _Robin Hood_. There's something about Shran that reminds me of Errol Flynn," Hoshi countered.

"Can't be the blue skin or the antennae," Trip observed blandly.

"No, not those," Hoshi agreed with that secret, knowing, maddening smile women have.

Last up was T'pol, the Vulcan first officer. "An interesting choice. Do you really think Commander Shran will approve?"

Trip officially gave up on breakfast and pushed his tray away. "It seems that everybody's got an opinion, so what's yours?"

"Unfortunately, I am not a connoisseur of war films, nor do I understand Andorian taste, or lack thereof," she replied.

"Well, I hope he likes it, darlin', else the Captain's gonna have me tearin' down and rebuildin' the warp core." As he thought about it, a slow smile crept across Trip's face as he realized that for him that really wasn't the punishment Archer had intended it to be.

T'pol saw the smile and said, "A hardship I am sure, Commander."

At precisely 1945 hours that evening, Shran arrived flanked by an _Enterprise_ security escort that he ignored as if they were his personal servants. Archer was relieved to see that he had brought a couple bottles of Andorian ale, his usual contribution to movie night, and that there were no film discs in evidence. Shran took a seat beside Archer and without preamble said, "I certainly hope tonight's film is better than the one last time. All that nonsense about 'Love means never having to say you're sorry.' Love means **always** having to say you're sorry – continually - otherwise you end up in the hospital." Archer just stared at him but didn't say a word. Shran continued with a smirk, "Oh, I forgot. Earth women aren't as aggressive as Andorian women." Archer continued to stare at him silently while thinking 'Give a man enough rope . . . ' "Not my dear Jhamel, of course! But then, she is Aenar." Perhaps it was just the reduced lighting in the room, but Archer could have sworn that Shran's face had turned a deeper shade of blue. He was saved from further embarrassment, however, by the lights going down completely and the movie starting with ominous, discordant music. On the screen was a picture of piles of bones and skulls. The subtitle read, "Russia under the Mongol yoke."

Song About Alexander Nevsky 

**Yes, 'twas on the River Neva it occurred.**

**On the Neva's stream, on the waters deep.**

**There we slew our foes' pick of fighting men,**

**Pick of fighting men, army of the Swedes.**

**Ah, how we did fight, how we routed them!**

**Yes, we smashed their ships of war to kindling wood.**

**In the fight our red blood was freely shed,**

**For our great land, our native Russian land.**

**Where the broad axe swung was an open street,**

**Through their ranks ran a lane where the spear was thrust.**

**We mowed down the Swedes, the invading troops,**

**Just like feather grass, grown on desert soil.**

**We shall never yield native Russian land.**

**They who march on Russia shall be put to death.**

**Rise against foe, Russian land, arise!**

**Rise to arms, arise, great town of Novgorod.**

The song was sung by a full chorus. It was a majestic, martial, symphonic air. Archer stole a quick glance at Shran whom he saw was leaning forward slightly, his antennae also forward, spread widely and quivering in intense concentration. He seemed to be thoroughly engrossed in this tale of a medieval Russian warrior lord who had somehow saved his principality from the Mongols, had defeated the Swedes and now was being called upon to raise an army to battle yet another invader, the Teutonic Knights. More ominous, dissonant music with a Latin chant symbolized this new threat from the west. The two armies met in the eerie mists at daybreak on the frozen surface of a lake. The course of the battle, which was depicted in all the horror of the particularly nasty, up close and personal, hand-to-hand style of combat of the Middle Ages, was chronicled by battling Russian and Teutonic musical themes as well until the Teutonic Knights were defeated by falling through the ice and drowning.

Field of the Dead 

**I shall go across the snow-clad field,**

**I shall fly above the field of death,**

**I shall search for valiant warriors there,**

**Those to me betrothed, stalwart men and staunch.**

**Here lies one who was felled by the sabers wild,**

**Here lies one impaled by an arrow shaft.**

**From their wounds warm, red blood like the rain was shed on our native soil, on our Russian fields.**

**He who fell for Russia in noble death**

**Shall be blest by my kiss on his dead eyes,**

**And to him, brave lad, who remains alive,**

**I shall be a true wife and a loving friend.**

**I'll not be wed to a handsome man:**

**Earthly charm and beauty fast fade and die,**

**I'll be wed to the man who's brave.**

Hark ye, warriors brave, lionhearted men! 

It was a beautiful but sad hymn-like aria sung by a mezzo-soprano as a lovely young woman searched the carnage on the ice for her beloved. Archer had not seen this film in awhile and had forgotten this part when he had given Trip the go ahead to show it. He had remembered the battle scenes, the Russian winter with its ice and snow and Nevsky's triumphant entry into the city of Pskov at the end, the latter being accompanied by another glorious choral and symphonic air. He had really wanted Shran to enjoy the movie so he wouldn't have to listen to his incessant carping about it afterward while they shared the ale. Now he wondered if his little game of one-upmanship had inadvertently hurt his Andorian friend. Shran had command of a new ship and was apparently happily bonded to Jhamel, but the loss of the _Kumari_ and the death of his consort and tactical officer Talas had occurred not all that long ago. Did this scene put him in mind of those losses? Why was it he was always so off balance whenever he dealt with Shran?

As the lights came back up, Shran turned to Archer and said, "Ah, Archer, they don't make them like that anymore, not even on Andoria!"

Archer, pleased to see that Shran indeed appeared to have liked the film and had not been distressed by any of it, decided to play devil's advocate and give him a taste of his own medicine. "You're right! Production values today are much better! We film in color and even 3-D holograms at some studios. The special effects are better. The sound recording is better. The universal translator does away with the need for subtitles . . . " He unknowingly echoed some of the grousing Trip had already heard.

Shran raised a hand as if trying to physically stop Archer's flow of words and interrupted him sharply. "You misunderstand me. I mean the martial spirit, the national pride, the great leader – this is a film with real values! This Alexander Nevsky should have been born Andorian!" After a slight pause, he went on, "They should have used an _ushaan-tor_, though. It is a much better weapon!"

"Shran, you don't understand, " Archer said with some heat. "This was a propaganda film for a particularly brutal dictator named Josef Stalin who had the misfortune to decimate his army's command structure in a fit of paranoid rage shortly prior to his country being invaded by the Nazis, that age's Teutonic Knights."

"Really? Well, Archer, it's regrettable of course, but things like that happen. Did the propaganda work?"

Archer had the sinking feeling that once again things were not working out quite as planned. "I don't know, " he said thoughtfully. "I suppose it might have. The Russians, both military and civilian, took tremendous casualties but persevered. They joined with the Allies in the West, eventually defeated the Nazis and went on to be a world power for some time thereafter."

"You see, Archer, you are so negative! The film has a beautiful and powerful score. It was by Sergei Prokofiev, yes? The composer of _Peter and the Wolf_. That work is popular with Andorian children. We've had to make a few modifications in the story - a suitably ferocious Andorian animal and a few alterations so it would fit an ice planet – but it remains highly enjoyable." Shran had surprised Archer yet again. Who knew that the aggressive, belligerent and sarcastic Andorian military man would be interested in classical music and children's classical music from Earth at that?

"Why, Archer, the film even has romance! The lovely girl with the light hair in a long, thick braid going out onto the battlefield to find whether her beloved is alive or dead. Such devotion! She puts me in mind of my beautiful life's mate Jhamel."

Archer sighed and stared at the ceiling. It was just possible that Shran liking a movie was as bad as Shran hating a movie. He was on the point of uncharitably reminding Shran that as he understood Andorian marriage, his beautiful Jhamel would know through their marital bond whether her life's mate was alive or not and wouldn't have to go out searching for him. Fortunately, before he could say anything, Shran's comlink sounded. During the short, curt conversation that followed, Archer surreptitiously gave Trip the thumb's up sign. For once, Shran was not complaining about the evening's entertainment.

"Ah, Pinkskin, I would love to continue our discussion, but my presence is required on my ship. Your taste in movies has improved substantially. What are you showing next week? As always, I'll bring the Andorian ale."

Trip winced even though his choice had gotten a definite two thumbs up. He supposed he had better see if he could find a print of that movie Malcolm had mentioned. It was a shame, really. He had been hoping to show a really good horror movie. He'd just found a rare print of _Re-Animator_ starring Jeffrey Combs.


End file.
